Many of us do not have the luxury of living in the same community or even country as our parents and extended family and this becomes a major stress when illness strikes.

50 years ago most of us lived fairly close to our family units, but modern living makes it easier for us to find jobs, set up homes and live in other areas of the world.  The current economy is also pushing people to look further afield to support their immediate families, find adventure, and live better lives.

But what happens to those left behind? And what stress does this put on the person moving away?

It’s a myth to think that the person who chooses to leave the “fold” is selfish and doesn’t have any worries or stress, particularly as the relatives back home begin to age.  Many of us are put in the situation of how to best help aging parents that live thousands of miles away from us.  The stress and feelings of guilt in this situation can be incredibly overwhelming, equally as much so as being geographically close to them.

So what, if anything, can you do to make the stress and feelings of guilt more manageable? Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned over the years:

• Stay in touch, both with friends and other relatives that are close by and get weekly updates.
• If possible phone the parent at least once a week and really listen to what they say. The words used in their conversations can clue you in to what’s going on.
• Many countries have agencies that will make home visits and will report back to you helping to ease your concerns.
• Make sure they have a way to contact authorities, and you, appropriate for their use.  For instance, a phone specifically designed for the elderly.
• If possible have some money set aside for an emergency trip back.
• Workout a plan of action to get home, to get help, to deal with a need when it arises.

I hope this post helps to alleviate some of the guilt and stress.  Planning ahead is something we all know we should do, but most of us don’t and then wish we had.  A plan will make any life situation easier to deal with, but don’t expect it to completely get rid of your stress.  Remember some stress is good without it we’d never get out of bed in the mornings.

These are our loved ones, the people who nourished, supported, cared for us when we needed it, let’s make sure we do the same for them.