Image courtesy of Vlado at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You know the feeling:

• heart racing
• shallow breathing
• lip biting
• stress levels rising
• you want to run and hide.

Why is it that talking to strangers can be so difficult? Is it that as children we were taught not to talk to strangers, not to make eye contact with people you don’t know? Or is it that we feel under-equipped, or somehow less qualified than they are? Whatever the reason, here’s a heads up for you:

You are not alone: most people find it hard to network effectively, because they’re nervous, anxious, or plain scared to open up to others.

Unless you want to be alone in life, or you have some secret formula for attracting business without networking, you’re going to have to learn to bring all those feelings of anxiety under control. Here are a few tips to get you going:

Tip #1

Take control of how you breathe. In a stressful situation it’s very easy to start taking short shallow breaths. It’s much better to notice the breath and to take a few deep ones either before you enter the situation, or when you feel your stress levels rising. You can also take deep breaths whilst talking to someone, for example while they are speaking.

Tip #2

Listen carefully. Listening to the person you are talking to sounds obvious, but when you are in a stressful situation it’s very easy to let their words go in one ear and straight out the other. Very often when in a stressful situation, if someone asked you what was being said, you would be hard pressed to recall any of the conversation. This is a situation you don’t want to happen, after all you are here to glean information and make contacts. If you can’t remember what they’ve said how will any effort you made to get this far be of use to you?

Tip #3

Be prepared to share. You have information that the person talking to you is interested in. If they weren’t interested in what you had to offer they wouldn’t be at the same networking event. Also, it’s rude not to share information with someone who is sharing with you. That’s not the way to build trust.

Tip #4

Realise that you are as important as the person you are speaking to. You have as much to offer them as they do you, again they wouldn’t be here talking to you if they had all the answers. You may not think you have anything to add, but that simply isn’t true: it may be just a different way of looking at a situation, or you may have an easier way of doing something, or you may have already done what they are trying to do. It may not be apparent immediately, but there is something you have to offer.

Tip #5

Enjoy the experience. I know this is hard when you’re shaking, but meeting new people is a rewarding experience. Our lives are enriched by meeting different people. They bring new eyes to your challenges, new solutions, fresh ideas. Try to talk to as many people as possible and attend more than just one event. Don’t put yourself under the pressure of getting all your information or contacts from one event, go to several. The more you mix with attendees the more relaxed you’ll become and the more you will increase your skills as a networker.

There’s no secret to being good at networking, like most things it takes practice and time. Yes, some people are better at it than others, but only because they’ve had more practice and taught themselves how to relax. Everyone, including you, has something to offer at networking events and networking isn’t limited to work/business, they can be social/sport events too.

Yes, you can network online, which may be less stressful to you, but it doesn’t take the place of the rewarding feeling of being able to enter into a room in person, strike up a conversation and create the trust that one day could lead to a sale or enrich your personal life in ways you could only have dreamed of.

Give yourself time, cut yourself some slack and remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

Amanda